The REAL War on Christmas – Found At Last!
For three consecutive years the Bunker ran a satirical “War On Christmas Watch”. We invited bloggers from across the political spectrum to notify us of ANY instance in Canada in which a Christian was prevented from celebrating Christmas as they see fit: we also kept our eyes open for any such incident. Over that three years, we found:
- One stupid attempt to remove a Christmas tree from a public building, which was prompty squashed by public response (including pro-Christmas messages from Muslim and Jewish community organizations);
- One teacher who made an ass of themselves by editing the word “Christmas” out of a Christmas carol, which elicited great media and public outcry;
- One report from Furiosa Doyenne Kate McMillan, who delightedly reported that the wicked secularists of the City of Brampton were celebrating “Winter Lights” instead of “Christmas Lights”. Kate’s indignant huffing came to a snuffling halt when the Mayor of Brampton politely informed her Brampton always has, and does celebrate CHRISTMAS: Kate, it turns out, was mistakenly ranting about a national program called “Winter Lights”.
Every other notification turned out to be an instance of some retailer advertising “Holiday” specials instead of “Christmas” specials: you know, doing that awful entrepreneurial thing of advertising to their market.
The point, of course, was always the same: that there is no “War On Christmas”.
Well, we were wrong. We found it. La Shaidle (whose self-promotion/writing ratio hit 740/1 last week) is now blegging on yet ANOTHER site, peddling “Christmas Gifts for Conservatives”. (NO, I will NOT link to it.) Shaidle takes us to the heart of her Vision of Christmas by flogging, among other astonishing kitsch:
- Christmas decorations featuring deist Benjamin Franklin, who rejected the divinity of the Christ;
- Angels dressed in stars and stripes and waving US flags;
- Christmas cards calling Obama a Communist;
- A grim looking ceramic Santa firmly planting the US flag in a snowbank;
- Christmas special subscription offers to Guns and Ammo magazine;
- A personalized US army camouflage Christmas stocking;
- Christmas discounts on several popular t-shirts, including “Peace Through Superior Firepower” , “The Only Good Commie is a Dead Commie”, and an exciting variety of anti-Muslim slogans.
Peace on Earth and Goodwill to Men, everyone. Coming next: the long awaited Shaidle/Sullivan duet, “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas.”
Shaidle/Sullivan duet? Which Sullivan is that?
Me thinks La Midget Terrible would rather warble “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” with Mark Steyn.
That would be Wendy “Daughter-Fucking-Indians/Somali Cannibals” Sullivan, aka Right Girl.
Oh yuk.
All made in China?
Not very Christian of them, is it?
Well, that was my thought, James. But I’m not sure what meaning concepts like “peace”, “goodwill”, “compassion”, “forgiveness’, and all those virtues that used to be considered “Christian” have for the New Christians who work very hard to promote as much fear and hatred as they can. I guess I missed the rewrite of the New Testament.
Well, you’ve heard about the project to produce a “conservative” translation of the Bible, haven’t you? Chet Scoville has been all over that on his blog.
But it seems a parody of conservative values as well. I mean, I know a few conservatives, and they’re not evangelicals. They don’t brag about gun ownership. They don’t own guns. And I can’t help but think that they’re more than a little embarrassed by the people seen here presuming the definition of conservative values.
I am not so sure there really ARE any of these so-called “moderate conservatives” out there. I’ve heard many claim they exist, and I’ve certainly met “conservatives” who appear rational. But why are they not standing up in their Churches and denouncing the hatred that is now being preached in Christ’s name? (Warning for the dim: check your parody meter).
You’re right, of course. This is not any recognizable form of “conservatism”. It’s a mean tempered nativism, with its own vile blend of xenophobia, faux-populism, and self-indulgent, “righteous” wrath.
It’s your Racist Granny arriving home at the airport Conservatism, “I hardly knew I was back in Canada!”
But where are the moderate Christians to speak out against the takeover by commercial interests of their religious holiday? Jesus smashed the temple because they were using it make money. The War on Christmas is being waged by the very people who claim there’s a War on Christmas.
Of all the ironies inherent in this whole ridiculous “War On Christmas” notion, that’s my favourite. About 95% of the “War On Christmas” stories you read have to do with vendors who are now promoting their products and services by encouraging EVERYONE who’s got a holiday with a gift-giving tradition to come and spend money. That’s as capitalist, as entrepreneurial, as private sector as you can get.
O/T but don’t they also have more in common with the warring Mohammed than the peacenikking Jesus? I mean, when does the American military industrial complex ever turn the other cheek? The United States is at war more often than Israel, ferchrissakes.
I plan on poisoning the milk & cookies this year – not enough to eliminate Santa, but just enough to let him that I’m upset because he’s not patriotic enough.
Throbbin,
Well, he wears red all the time, and gives gifts to everyone. Clearly Santa’s a communist. He’s just a footstep away from Russian territory, after all.
@balbulican – “I am not so sure there really ARE any of these so-called “moderate conservatives” out there. ………………..(Warning for the dim: check your parody meter).
Whew, almost walked into that one.
I have your best interests at heart, CG.
There are precisely four moderate conservatives out there: a moderate paleo, a moderate neo, a moderate libertarian and me, the moderate so-con. We meet every week for dinner at Mamma Teresa’s. I keep telling them we are going to have to settle our differences if we ever hope to seize power, but they just throw buns at me.
I met moderate neo once. He was fine until he took the red pill.
Okay, if you guys are eating at Mamma Teresa’s, who are all those people at Hy’s?
Those are the trendy progressive brights who found a way to parlay social justice into expense accounts.
Naw. We’re all down at the Green Door, ordering an extra portion of dahl with lentils to go so we can hand it out to the homeless.
Christ, the Green Door? The homeless will use up more calories than they’ll take in eating through that mulch.
And I think the heavier your plate, the cheaper it should be.
It’s difficult for a progressive to know just how much to feed a homeless. We need to keep them alive so they can pose in picturesque squalor when we need them for our photoshoots, but not so healthy that could lunge for our wallets or get jobs. Dahl and lentils seems to do it.
This is why the left’s rococco marxism has led it to recklessly lose the homeless, who polls show now support Chicago School economics and an assertive foreign policy. Why would they settle for nanny-state vegan crap like lentils and dahl when they see the cons can deliver Carpaccio alla Modenese followed by Veal Saltimbocca with Italian Ham and Sage Sauce?
Yeah, but try to get them to agree on a wine…
Indeed. Those who insist on supporting domestic vineyards have to wear the “Waffle” or “anti-globalizationist” pointy hat and go sit in the corner.