How to Sabotage Earth Hour Productively
With the comforting inevitability of toothless old-timers grumbling round the potbellied stove about the darkies/the metric system/the flag/the fags/the unions, the usual shriekers are encouraging the inhabitants of their respective petri dishes to celebrate Earth hour by turning on every light in their houses, run every appliance in their houses, and otherwise waste as much power as they can, in order to show…well, to show that they really hate lefties, or prove that Michael Moore is fat, or something. Actually I’m not actually too clear on that.
This trend should be encouraged. Our friends the deniers should be urged to spend as much of their own money as possible in showing us how little they understand or care about issues of climate change or consumption. In order to really get the point across, I can suggest some additional energy and money wasting activities to help them deplete their bank accounts:
1) Rent multiple canisters of propane, the biggest you can find. Stand in your back yards, open them all to demonstrate your contempt for Earth Hour, and light a sparkler in celebration of your independent spirit.
2) Run your snowmobile, your snowblower, AND your SUV simultaneously. In your garage, with the door closed (no sense annoying your neighbours with the noise.) Make sure you sit behind the wheel of the SUV so you can hold the pedal down for the whole hour and REALLY burn gas! Yay!
Other suggestions for anti-Earth Hour celebrants are welcome.
No way I want to be associated with those URQ loonies. I’m going to dress up in my leather jacket and worker’s cap, flood the local demonstration with spotlights and march through the crowd chanting “Communism is Soviet power plus the electrification of the whole country!”.
Create a giant bonfire in their backyard and through every plastic container, rubber tire and old paint can in it. Celebrate by breathing deeply of the glorious smog they have created – smog is a measure of success and technological advancement, so they should be proud!
Whooee! Well, I’m a bigass treehugger an’ ol’ Mother Earth is who I fight for every day but I’m a little cynical about Earth Hour. Oh, I’ll participate. It’ll be easy. Ma and I always walk the dogs fer about an hour a night. Usually, we leave the back porch light on but on Saturday, I’ll pull the main breaker down in the basement before we go out and reset all the clocks when we come back.
Here in small town Ontariariario, we get useta power outages — even when yer livin’ in the shadow of the Nanticoke Generating Station. I hafta reset the clocks about 6x a year anyways. One more time ain’t gonna hurt much, sez I.
Reason I’m a bit cynical on Earth Hour is I get the impression some folks think if they turn off their lights fer an hour a year, they’re actually making some difference vis-a-vis savin’ the planet. I reckon symbolism is a little beyond some folks.
I also am a little concerned with the message that conservation involves freezing in the dark. There are far more effective and less inconvenient ways to use less energy than to turn off everything for an hour a year and then carry on with the usual wasteful practices the rest of the time.
Earth Hour can be fun and informative and I’m maybe a curmudgeon but I’ll do my bit on Saturday night. And, man-o-man, do I ever figger that them Small Dead Anti-Earthers is about as anti-conservative as they can get. Wanton waste does not equal conservatism in anybody’s dictionary.
JB
I’m with JimBooby on this.
The hour power reduction is only symbolic. However if enough people do it, I am wondering if the power grid will get messed up. Well I should not really worry about that. I am sure the electrical providers are bracing themselves and have a plan to withstand the shock.
JimBobby, of course many folks today think turning the lights off for an hour, they’re helping the planet. You are talking about a society that thinks attending a LiveAid concert helps lift Africans out of poverty. But you are 100% right that there is nothing conservative about the “turn the lights on” crowd, both from the point of view of the action itself and the political impulse behind it. A real conservative would simply turn off his front lights to avoid attracting attention and go to a back room muttering about the idiocy of the human species.
@JimBobby – Who you callin’ bigass JB?
Oh sure, they’re brave now, but just wait until Earth Hour.
Actually, Peter, a real Conservative would recognize Earth Hour as an attempt by energy conservationists to encourage their fellow citizens to take responsibility for their own behaviour in terms of energy consumption. There’s really nothing socialist OR Big Brother-ish about it. It’s about individual actions at the grassroots level effecting change.
I agree Earth Hour is a bit of fun symbolism, and that’s what the dead-earthers hope to destroy, a symbol. I like Balbulican’s ideas for them better. Paladiea had a nice set of ideas too, especially “Don’t stab yourself in the face, Hour”.
They remind me of that Billy Crystal sketch on SNL, “We were poor and stupid and proud of it!”
Balb, since you appear to be on speaking terms with Smell Dad’s Enemas, you might suggest a better way that turning on every electrical appliance, light or do-hickey.
First, suggest they fill up a bathtub or plug up a sink. Let it overflow so there’s a goodly amount of water. Stuff towels or some other handy piece of cloth under doorjambs if necessary. It’s important that there’s enough water.
Second, they should remove any footwear or clothing (if they opt for the tub). People can even do this as a group to show solidarity (oops, wrong word). A great way to get closer to old friends or make new ones.
Third, take one of those electrical appliances. Make sure it’s plugged into an electrical outlet securely. Drop the appliance or do-hickey into the water – making sure the electrical elements touch the water as well.
The light show will surely impress the neighbours. It will send a message to those durned lefties that they won’t soon forget. It might even short out an entire neighbourhood. If enough people do it, imagine the message that would send – especially if it shuts down the whole eastern grid! Wow! Imagine the fun.
This method will expend a lot more power than simply turning everything on. It may also be therapeutic for some, saving a trip to the local loony… uh, clinic… for those regular shock treatments. A-n-nd… it’ll cut back on costly gasoline use while also cutting down on carbon emissions.
A real do-it-yerself’er!
Feel free to pass it on.
Ohh, THAT goes on the list for next year, for sure.
Too funny. Here’s hopin’…
Whooee! Well, Ma an’ I went out walkin’ the dogs last night, as usual. Here in my little town, I estimate about 60% had lights on during Earth Hour. Somehow, the symbolic gesture seems a little stale the second time around.
Maybe people are too worried about money to worry about wasting energy. There’s some irony there, I reckon.
Here’s an interesting item: Ontarians consume 50% more energy per capita than New York State residents. PDF Source; see page 10.
JB