Tickle Me, Mohammed: The Imaginary Talking Doll Non-Scandal
Another little excursion to the Dark Side of URQ lunacy, in which we visit yo’ MAMA, an organization that maintains Mattel is deliberately selling a doll that is secretly trying to convert the toddlers of America to Islam.
In October, a handful of folks with too much time on their hands and earwax in their tympani announced that they had detected sounds from Mattel’s “Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo Doll”, in the midst of all the cuddling and cooing, that they interpreted as “SATAN IS KING” and “ISLAM IS THE LIGHT”.
The story was picked up by (of course) Fox News, and dozens of YouTube clips immediately appeared. And most people heard what was actually there – badly recorded baby talk, with certain segments that you can read various phrases into, if you’re so inclined (including one stretch that actually sounds like “Paul is Dead!”). If you’re told that by listening really hard to one particular stretch you can interpret some of the sounds as “Islam is the Light”, you can, if you’re especially suggestible. I personally hear a syllable that could understood as the word “light”. That’s about it.
Mattel responded to the Fox story promptly. They stated the obvious: there is only one “word” in the doll’s “script” (”Mama”); all other sounds are simply gibberish. They released the source recording, here; they also announced that they would eliminate that portion of the soundfile from future production (an unfortunate concession to the lunatics, in my opinion).
This, of course, wasn’t enough. Suddenly a group of “concerned Moms and Dads” sprang into being. Moms Ask Mattel for Accountability (MAMA) calls itself a grass roots organization. MAMA’s goals are:
- to pressure Mattel to recall the Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle & Coo Doll immediately.
- to make retailers to remove it from store shelves, or label the toy with their interpretation of the babble.
- to “educate retailers, state and federal government officials, our communities, fellow parents and Mattel itself about the very real threat to the civil liberties of girls under Islamic legal doctrine of Shariah. Shariah treats girls and women with systematic discrimination – with child marriages, polygamy, honor killings, legalized beatings, unequal treatment in courts and inheritance, executions. Truth-in-advertising for this toy is of material importance to the post-9/11 consumer, especially to the post 9/11 parent.”
This “grass-roots” group sprang into being with a well designed website, a media list, and an astonshingly detailed list of professional lobbying tactics, including:
“Sample letters you can rewrite and send to the Federal Trade Commission, your local consumer protection agencies at the State, County or City level, your local Better Business Bureau, and Mattel. Just add your name, print them out and mail them to the addresses provided. We’ve already sent a letter from the MAMA coalition.
A Store Manager Information Packet you can personally deliver to local retailers who sell the “Islam is the Light” doll – Walmart, Target, Shopko, Toys-R-Us, Kmart and others. This includes a letter to the retailer asking that the doll be removed from the shelves, and copies of our letter to the FTC.
Labels to affix to the doll’s packaging. The labels state, “Notice: This doll says “Islam is the Light,’ an invitation to your child to join Islam.” The label is not inflammatory; it is not negative. It IS honest labeling and provides truth-in-advertising for parents.
Store Case Campaign – If the Store Manager does not attach the labels, we will support your efforts by making the Store Manager’s refusal into a “Case,” with a case number, which we will track here and in the media.
Talking Points and Press Contacts – we’ll provide talking points and links to help you find local press contacts to let the media know about your efforts, and to get the word out to Christmas shoppers to choose stores who have removed the doll from the shelves.
Research about Shariah you can use – we’ll post proven, well-sourced research here about Shariah, the Islamic law and political system that discriminates against women and girls.
There are any number of interesting elements to this story, but let’s look at three.
The first is its utter, incomprehensible absurdity. It’s never suggested WHY Mattel would be proselytizing on behalf of Islam – why the world’s largest toy manufacturer, maker of such iconic American products as HotWheels and Barbie, would be trying to slip subliminal messages to their market base which, if absorbed, would lead to their own collapse. The accusation makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. But in URQ circles, when did THAT ever matter?
So how on earth can people convince themselves that they hear Islamic/Satanic messages in digital gurgling? Well, people instinctively seeks patterns in the random: pattern-seeking is one of the key cognivitive functions that helps us make sense of and navigate through the overwhelming onslaught of multisensory input flooding our brains every microsecond.
If you tell me you see a lion in that cloud, the head of Satan arising from the smoke of the Twin Towers, the message “Paul is dead” in a backward Beatle tape, I will probably find it too. If you show me a stretch of cracked, stained highway underpass, I’ll wonder why: but when you point to a pattern that suggests the Virgin Mary to you, I will instantly see it too. That doesn’t mean those patterns were “put there” by God, John Lennon or the Pittsburgh Highway Construction Division: it means that in an infinity of sounds and images in our landscape, my pattern recognition function is noting some similarities. A sane person says: “Hm. That’s interesting.” A delusional person things mysterious forces are at work.
Instances of widespread false-pattern recognition tend to follow public obsessions. In the wake of the Columbine school murders, a number of parents claimed that their kids’ teletubby dolls were saying “I got a gun, I got a gun! Run away, run away!” Moms and dads freaked out by the behaviour of their teenagers started finding hidden messages in Twisted Sister albums. So it’s not surprising that this latest wave of hysteria centers on Evil Islamonazifasciconspirator, in a climate of concentrated fear.
Usually, however, this kind of mania peaks and fades within a few weeks, as reason settles in. And in some areas, it did. A local broadcaster took the doll out into a parking lot and tested on listeners who had NOT been told what pattern to detect.
KRCG tested that theory by stopping a half-dozen people in the store’s parking lot. No one came up with the phrase, “Islam is the light,” on their own.
“I got it that time,” said Lake Ozark resident Jerry Baumgartner. “With a little coaching from you.”
This particular delusion, however, has actually spawned MAMA, which, as noted, seems to have a very well organized lobbying strategy deployed in a very short time.
So who’s your MAMA?
Well, their site doesn’t provide any information on the organization at all, beyond claiming to be an organization of “concerned parents”. Like many other fraudulent lobby groups that claim to be something they’re not (Muslims Against Sharia, the spurious “African Press International”, and others), the site lists no Chair, no Board, no membership, no Executive, and no specific contact…just a g-mail address to “admin”.
However, if you work your way through the site, you find one tiny clue – an invitation to contact either Denise Lee or Christine Brim at labelthatdoll@gmail.com.
Bingo.
Christine Brim is the spokesperson for the Center for Vigilant Freedom, which is the website of “The 910 Group”, an EXTREME anti-Muslim right wing group that has advocated closer ties with neo-nazis in Europe to fight “Islamofascism”. Canadian Sentinel is a contributor to their page. The 910 Group is headquartered in Fairfax, Virginia, where – surprise, surprise – all three “cases” “investigated” by “MAMA” arealleged to have occurred.
Bottom line: One more absolutely prime demonstration of the depths of ignorance, fear, self-deception and hatred that permeates the edges of the moronosphere – and the length to which propagandists will go to keep fear and hatred alive. A few not-very-bright fearmongers, pretending to be an organization, who desperately need something real in their lives to obsess about, before they completely exhaust the patience of long-suffering toy store owners in Fairfax.
BONUS PUNCHLINE:
A joke like this, of course, doesn’t actually need a punchline. But I’ll give you one anyway.
Thiis piece of nonsense is being given wide play among the usual American semi-professional haters, including Atlas Shrugs, Right Truth, Israpundit – the same folks who make up the fake “Muslims Against Shariah”. Among the Canadian URQ bloggers who have picked this up, the most hysterical, predictably, is our dear delusional friend the Comedian Scenty Nell, who huffs and puffs about this attack on “our children” through this Evil Message. He even links to the audio files which, says MAMA, prove conclusively that Mattel is pulling a fast one.
But of course – Scentinel is deaf.
Are we sure they weren’t playing the recording backwards?
Of course, those geniuses didn’t notice that Islam has a rather dim opinion of Satan, and the chances of any nefarious conspiracy putting those two contradictory messages into the same doll are pretty much nil. The wingnuts are so confused. They can’t even get their enemies straight.
That just makes it funnier. This is clearly another echo of the Masked Satanic Messages nonsense that so galvanized Tipper Gore and the PMRC in the mid 80s, then faded away. As this crap will.
Well I just listened to the CTV news and the doll is definitely saying “Islam is the light” Maybe you should get the wax cleaned out of your ears.
Of course when you first hear it and not know what the claim is, it is hard to make it out because that is the last thing you expect to hear.
Also the tone is high pitched and is difficult for old coots to hear.
Heh. Yes, as I said, when you’re instructed in what you’re supposed to hear, that’s what you hear – especially the highly suggestible.
I hear no such thing – even after knowing what the muslim doll is supposed to say, I hear nothing but gibberish. Should I get my laptop speakers recalibrated Canuckguy?
A former prof of mine used to talk about Children of Darkness and Children of Light. He mentioned where he got the terms but I can’t remember them.
Anyways, because it was a Political Science class, he used the terms to refer to political machiavellian deception, lies, smoke and mirrors, and selective inflammatory word usage (Children of Darkness), and innocence, naivety, and trust (Children of light). The point he always made was that the Children of Darkness always had to work harder to try to come off as respectable, willing to do or say anything to achieve their goals. To the Children of light, he had a warning – never underestimate the depths of depravity Children of Darkness will stoop to to get what they want.
I always remembered that little lesson, and for some reason that’s the first thing that came to mind as I read this story. I had heard about this the other day, but reading this particular blog post pissed me off.
What the hell is wrong with people who have to lie, manipulate, deceive, and otherwise act like assholes to try to concoct some weird foreign threat? What is going through the minds of the people behind this? How do they go home and look their kids in the eyes at night? How do they justify all of this? What is their first thought when they wake up in the morning? What is their last thought at night?
Sorry for the rant, but I truly wonder what drives these people. What is the purpose of their machinations? Is it worth harming the image of an entire demographic of people, numbering in the hundreds of millions around the world, to maintain some weird political advantage or foothold?
I have no doubt this MAMA is the product of focus testing and substantial corporate financial backing. People like Christine Brim deserve to get airdropped into a downtown Yemeni city after 2 weeks of media play explaining exactly what this woman does to besmirch the reputation of islam and mulsims everywhere.
Supporters of this website must be as full of shit as its author. That’s the only logical explanation for “we’re in the running for Best Non-Partisan Blog.” What a fucking joke!
MaS: I don’t see near eye-to-eye with some folks here on a whole range of issues, but I’m welcome to have my say on this blog. Not only that, but Stageleft one of the few identifies-as-leftist blogs that explicitly refuses to lump all so-called rightist viewpoints as being URQ and all leftist views as ULQ.
I’m on the right (*extreme* LRQ) and I say Stageleft easily deserves its nomination in the category.
@Throbbin –
“What the hell is wrong with people who have to lie, manipulate, deceive, and otherwise act like assholes to try to concoct some weird foreign threat?”
I continually wonder the same thing myself. If you have to lie to make your point, then your point’s not worth making. That’s the very definition of an ideologue – someone who doesn’t let reality impinge on their little imaginary world.
I don’t know if people like Christine Brim and Scenty are (a) psychotic and deluded, or (b) cold blooded liars. It’s helfpul when they go THIS far off the deep end – reminds the rest of us not to take them seriously.
@Muslims Against Sharia Oh, hi guys…long time no troll! Sorry I haven’t been as diligent mocking you lately. Great election you guys had down there – congratulations! Still pretending to rewrite the Koran? Still pretending to be Muslim? Well, I’d love to chat, but…
@Ron Good – Ron, thanks for the kind words – much appreciated, as is your participation in the blog. One of our weaknesses is our lack of thoughtful, articulate conservative commenters (and we WUV the ones we have), so please know you’re very welcome.
You may have missed our earlier exchanges with the spurious “Muslims Against Sharia”, a collection of neocon, largely foul-mouthed American bloggers who pretend to be Muslims rewriting the Koran, editing out all the bits they think are objectionable. We had fun exposing them a few months ago, and now no-one but the terminally stupid (hi, Scenty!) takes them seriously.
History is full of examples of where “doing the right thing” required lies and deception — like all fanatics, those engaged in this “service of good” firmly believe that the ends justifies the means and that they will be forgiven their transgressions.
MAS, good to see ya again buddy, how ya doing – did you vote? Gee, we sure hope you voted for us.
…. now, if you guys will excuse me I gotta go play my latest Amon Amarth CD backwards and listen to my morning devotions from Pagan Vikings past before heading off to work.
Hey, Stage, did anyone ever tell ya what happens when you play country music backwards? Your truck starts up, your girlfriend returns, and your dog comes back to life.
Are you serious? How many posts here advocate Left-Wing issues and criticize Right-Wing issues; how many do the opposite? Figure it out and you got your answer. To claim that this blog is neutral is just as ridiculous as to claim that MSNBC or Fox News are neutral. Having Scarborough on MSNBC or Colmes on Fox doesn’t change much. This blog is run by Left-Wing Dhimmi retards. If you don’t see that, you need new glasses.
MaS: Sure, I’m serious. I don’t see neutral and non-partisan as exactly synonymous. A totally neutral blog wouldn’t be possible except in a situation where no-one had an opinion. Stageleft is up-front about their “default” position but I find the Stageleft crew to be thoughtful and far from dogmatic (which is decidedly not to say they lack principles). And there are a number of areas where the, for example, agorist or anarchist left and the LRQ have some very solid common ground. By that I mean I have seen views I identify as native to the classical liberal/right either expressed or shown respect here.
Now, I haven’t made up my mind about you at MaS yet, but I can tell you that it won’t be Stageleft making my mind up for me.
@Muslims Against Sharia – I think you may be confused by the idea of “non-partisan” in a multiparty country. It is not a synonym for “neutral”. It means “Not supporting or controlled by a group or a cause”, or “without party affiliation”.
There is no party that Stageleft and Balbulican support, and in fact, we often disagree with each other.
I don’t like gun registration, favour the licensing of Fox News for Canadian broadcast, support the development of nuclear generation, support free speech, agree with the dismissal of the HRC complaint against Macleans magazine, and like hunting. If that was all you know about me, I’d be a conservative. but things don’t break down as simply into comfortable Manichean dichotomies up here, you see.
So did you guys swallow this Mattel nonsense too, or did you have the sense to steer clear?
Balbul;
–Nope, it is clear what the doll says.
All your babblespeak does not change that.
Your kneejerk reaction is typical of the
“Barking Dogs of the Left”
–If you stop the barking and use the good hearing of a dog, you will see the light. And hear it also.
As for you Throbbin, again, I stated that I hear it from my TV speakers. No doubt about what was said. Open your ears up.
As far as the motive of putting those words on the dolls mouth, could be just some prankster. If so, he is certainly getting the rise out of people that all pranksters are looking for.
“Nope, it is clear what the doll says.”
Nope, it’s not. Sorry.
Up until this point, Balbul, I considered your past stands to be mainly rational and defensible albeit occasionally wrong in my viewpoint. But your denial of the obvious in this case is puzzling.
I hope this story has legs and it is patently proven that a voice chip saying these words was planted in the dolls.
Then I expect you, as an honourable man, to take your registered rifle, shoot a crow and eat it.
This is a bad place to troll, Canuckguy. I’m surprised you haven’t figured that out by now.
Ron Good: “I don’t see neutral and non-partisan as exactly synonymous.”
Not exactly. However, this blog’s authors are clearly Liberal. Claiming to be non-partisan implies a high degree of political neutrality, which is clearly not the case here.
Canuckguy, don’t you know that calling Balbul’s bullshit is considering trolling here?
You know, Ron, you also qualify to join the Blogging Alliance of Non-Partisan Canadians. If you want to sign up, I’d be happy to add you to the list.
Balbul: I have heard the term ‘troll’ before, easy to sense it was a serious insult to be accused as such. I finally just got around to reading a few articles about them. One site states:
“An ‘Internet troll’ or ‘Forum Troll’ or ‘Message Board Troll’ is a person who posts outrageous message to bait people to answer. Forum Troll delights in sowing discord on the forums. A troll is someone who inspires flaming rhetoric, someone who is purposely provoking and pulling people into flaming discussion. Flaming discussions usually end with name calling and a flame war.”
It is unfair of you to use that term on me. Perhaps MAS has a point in saying “Canuckguy, don’t you know that calling Balbul’s bullshit is considering trolling here?”
MaR, you wrote: Claiming to be non-partisan implies a high degree of political neutrality
Not so.
I try not to argue from authority but heading to a dictionary isn’t unfair of me in this instance. Try Merriam-Webster or TheFreeDictionary or Oxford.
However, this blog’s authors are clearly Liberal
Capital-L “Liberal”???
Uh, I’ve seen precious little evidence of that.
James, my thanks for your generous suggestion. I’ll look into that.
No, this author is clearly not Liberal — and you really need to find yourself a good dictionary, non-partisan does not now, and never has, implied “a high degree of political neutrality”. That’s nothing more than good old fashioned “if you’re not with us you must be with the other guy” rhetoric.
Now why don’t you go have a nice long conversation with your strawman about that and see if between the two of ya you can come up with a rational discussion point.
As I noted above, the contributors/supporters of “Not-Quite-Muslims Against Real Muslims” are primarily neocon Americans (Atlas Shrugged, Israpundit, etc. – several of whom WERE, in fact, suckered in by this nonsensical non-story, or pretended to be). I don’t think they understand quite what “Liberal” means in Canada. Given that they’re having a hard time understanding the notion of “non-partisan”, I’m not sure they’ll get it.
This “issue” was front and center on AM640’s John Oakley show in Toronto this morning. What a moron. New levels in faux outrage were achieved.
I have seen four stories covering this so far, and heard two radio broadcasts. Interestingly, each story has told viewers/listeners WHAT they’re supposed to hear BEFORE playing the clip. Not surprising. “HIDDEN ISLAMIST MESSAGES CONCEALED IN DOLL” is a better grabber than “MATTEL DOLL BABBLES, HIGHLY SUGGESTIBLE PARANOIDS HEAR SCARY SATANIC MESSAGES!!”
It’s not as though it’s a slow news week, either…
“It’s not as though it’s a slow news week, either…”
That’s the kicker. Anything that can rally the lunatic URQ fringe against the islamofacistjihadfartbreath movement is just too tempting for some of these less scrupulous media outlets.
Ron Good: “I try not to argue from authority but heading to a dictionary isn’t unfair of me in this instance. Try Merriam-Webster or TheFreeDictionary or Oxford.”
Your “authority” seems to support my argument. merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nonpartisan – free from party affiliation, bias, or designation. Do you really think these Leftards are FREE OF [political] BIAS? You’ve got to bee shitting me! They accuse us of being a Right-wing organization based on the fact that some of our blog contributors are Right-wingers. The fact that they completely ignore our Left-wing blog contributors show the depth of their Leftardation.
Ron: here’s a hint. Folks who use phrases like “leftard” and “leftardation” have single digit IQs. They’re fun to mock, but they don’t think, write or speak very well.
Here’s links to the posts in which we blew these idiots out of the water. Read and enjoy – you should get a giggle.
1) Introducing Not Quite Muslims Against Real Muslims:
2) Digging a Bit Deeper:
3) A Foul Mouthed Lot, These Phony Muslims…
Meanwhile, our good friends at “Buddhists Against Buddha” are still accepting donations.
Please make the cheque payable to “Buddhists Against Buddha”, The Bunker, 26 Ho Chi Minh Court, Ottawa, ON K2T 6K6.
Well, I see you found the dictionary, now you just have to figure out how they work… the hint you’ll be wanting to consider is the comma.
In case you need a little help with that consider the definition to read, “free from party affiliation, [party] bias, or [party] designation”.
You obviously don’t know the difference between apolitical and nonpartisan – if you’re looking for apolitical you’re looking in the wrong place.
– try using that new dictionary of yours again, you’ll eventually get the hang of it I’m sure
You have Leftardian bloggers writing for you?
Being non-partisan has never been about being free of bias. Being non-partisan is about being free of partisan bias. We’re all biased. The question is, what’s the source of our bias? Our own political experience? Or the talking points of our chosen political party?