Browsing the Headlines Over Coffee.

Tum-tum ti tum…mmm. Sip. Good, but why doesn’t coffee ever taste as good as it smells? Tum-ti-tum-tum…so what are the aggregator headlines telling me this morning…

“Harper denies latest allegations of speech plagiarism”

WHAT? He DOES? Why that schmuck, I READ the damn words myself, and there’s no way that could be…oh, hang on a second. He doesn’t DENY it. He says it doesn’t matter. Who wrote that frickin’ headline? Don’t know the difference between “deny” and “arrogantly dismiss”? Memo to self – volunteer to edit CBC headlines gratis in retirement. Sip. Next…

Palin accuses Obama of ‘palling around’ with terrorists

You’re kidding. She’s not recycling that stupid Bill Ayers myth story, please God, she can’t be sinking THAT low THAT fast, can…okay, yup, she is, now scraping her talking points from the stupidest quadrant of the blogosphere. Ladies and Gentlemen, the next Vice President of the United States. Hey, how about that – the reporter actually treats her accusation with the complete contempt it deserves. Things are looking up. Wonder if Right Girl is still moist for Palin. Sip. Next.

“Pope decries godless nature of modern societies”

Well, duh. And Maple Leaf Foods decries decline in meat consumption. And Detroit executives decry move away from SUVs. Sorry, Pope – you had a good thing going, and it was a nice living. But even the species dumb enough to take Sarah Palin seriously will eventually recognize a toxic product. Sip. Next.

“Canadian PM could fail to win majority in Oct 14 vote: polls”

Blink. Huh? What kind of stupid headline is THAT? Did we suddenly move to system of direct election for Prime Ministers overnight? And “fail to win a majority” … is that like saying that the NDP “May Fail To Win A Minority”? How odd. Source? AFP. Ah. Les Francais. Memo to self -extend volunteer headline writing services to other media. Sip. Next.

Strippers Inspire IgNobel Prize
Hmm…armadilloes move archaeological artifacts by tunnelling, strippers earn more when at peak fertility, and Coke really IS a spermicide. Coca Cola officials refuse to comment. Heh. So Mr. Bulger, my high school phys ed teacher, was right after all. How ’bout that.

Okay. More coffee, and to work.

This entry was posted by balbulican on Sunday, October 5th, 2008 and is filed under General, Humour. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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2 Responses to “Browsing the Headlines Over Coffee.”

  1. stageleft on October 5th, 2008 at 11:39 am

    I was going to make a similar post this morning, here are my contributions.

    GOP, Democrats battle in Pa. over voter dress code

    Does the GOP have so little to worry about in this election that they’re actually concerned with hordes of Obama supporters descending on the polls wearing “Obama for President” t-shirts and musical hats playing his campaign theme song?

    Former Clinton neighbor convicted of murder in NY

    Now there’s a partisan stretch if I ever saw one…. in other news there is a flasher on the loose in Conservative Party of Canada John Baird’s riding of Ottawa West – Nepean.

    Obama drops hidden ‘maverick’ in mail

    Proof positive that if you look hard enough you can find something totally unimportant….. and then try and highlight it.

    Thanks for not voting

    This is what you get when you run children through elementary schools that won’t allow them to keep score during intramural sports because the losers might feel like … um … losers, and that no child is ever kept back a grade so they could learn to read, because that too would make them feel bad.

    I don’t want people to start voting until they’ve been in the world long enough to have the Paycheck Epiphany, that moment when they look at how much money those blood-sucking leeches in the federal government are stealing from them and suddenly think: Hey! These people are taking my money and spending it on crap!

    And then support the party that promises to steal the least.

    About 10% of youth surveyed by the Dominion Institute think that even if they do vote, it won’t matter.

    This might be because lots of them vote New Democrat or Green — in which case they might be right.

    Deep Conservative thought at it’s best.

    Reply – Quote
  2. nastyboy on October 6th, 2008 at 8:31 pm

    Never let the facts get in the way of a snappy headline.

    Reply – Quote

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