Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, Meet the Fans of Sarah Palin

Boss: I wrote this piece on the collapse of the Sarah Palin pseudoeuphoria yesterday, but figured I’d hold off on posting it until after Palin’s speech last night, just in case she said anything interesting. Should we run it?

Scoop, Bunker Research Bureau

Copy begins:

For about twelve hours, the URQs were in hog heaven. They had finally scooped a turn on the news cycle, displacing coverage of Obama’s record breaking broadcast coverage and coronation, with a newsmaker of their own.

The glory faded pretty fast, as amateur bloggers and political journalists discovered what the mighty Republican Party apparently hoped voters wouldn’t notice – Palin’s contempt for environmental legislation, her support for north slope oil over polar bears, her flip flop on the Gravina Island bridge (but not the money), her ignorance about a vice president’s job, her adocacy against mine safety, her opposition to sex education and “abstinence only” philosophy, her support for Creationism in science classes, her opposition to health benefits for same-sex partners, her utter lack of foreign policy experience, her fondness for censorship of books she doesn’t approve of… (Scoop, I’m going to cut the next eight page…they get the point. Balb.)

The biggest strategic miscalculation of all was the ironic fact that her nomination kicked the pins out from under their entire anti-Obama campaign. It would be take a pretty extreme hypocrite to accuse Obama of “inexperience”, of weakness on foreign policy, or campaigning on the basis of personal charm. (In other words, it would take a typical URQ? Scoop, these guys don’t even understand the concept of hypocrisy anymore. Balb.)

The scope and scale of the Republican misfire became immediately evident to most of the planet in about a day. Even many Republicans have shown encouraging traces of residual rationality. Our concern, however, is for the handful of folks still trapped in the grieving process, unable to progress emotionally past the death of Palin’s candidacy. And even within that group, we can see progress being made – evidence of URQ bloggers coping with their loss by moving through the five states of grieving, as described by Dr. Kübler-Ross.

Most, predictably, are still caught at the Denial Stage.

Palin’s selection has “reinvigorated the whole Republican Party. People who were feeling down are excited again,” said Eagle Forum head Phyllis Schlafly. “Hell, they’re even getting enthusiastic about McCain.”

A few have moved on to Anger.

The left is chock full of hatred, pure, unadulterated, ultra-hypocritically, and there’s no denying it, unless you’re deluded and ultra-partisan! Hillary Clinton is a friggin’ greedy, lying, hateful, mean-spirited, selfish, hypocritical asshole, and she deserves the lampooning! Just like her depraved, ultra-perverted, lying letch of a sex-offender hubby, Bubba! The Left has no excuse for their terrible, hateful, malicious treatment of Ms. Palin and her daughter! They have NOTHING on Palin; Palin is very nice, very kind; Palin isn’t Hillary! Hillary is terrible, a crook! It’s proven!!

The next stage in the recovery, as you know, is BARGAINING:

OK, she’s not that experienced – but Obama can’t very well criticize her for that, can he?

Rounding the corner, and a healthy adjustment to loss is in sight. But first comes DEPRESSION.

CT: I mean is she really the most qualified woman they could have turned to?

PN: The most qualified? No! I think they went for this — excuse me– political bullshit about narratives –

CT: Yeah they went to a narrative.

MM: I totally agree.

PN: Every time the Republicans do that, because that’s not where they live and it’s not what they’re good at, they blow it.

MM: You know what’s really the worst thing about it? The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and this is cynical.

And finally, blessedly, ACCEPTANCE - the realization that Sarah Palin may not, in fact, have been the very best idea, especially for people who really, truly ARE thoughtful conservatives.

Although Sarah Palin has a lot of things to recommend herself to conservatives and has done some good things in rooting out corruption, the fact of the matter is that a look at her record shows that her governing history hasn’t exemplified conservative values. She’s raised taxes, spent taxpayer dollars on pet projects, has evinced little interest in foreign affairs, and told a rather large self-aggrandizing lie at her first appearance on the national stage. Despite all the enthusiasm that many conservatives have for her, her record doesn’t show her to be much of one herself.

There are a few folks in Denial who will no doubt live there until election day, and perhaps beyond. Let us treat them gently, and with compassion, and help all our other URQ friends on their long and painful road back to sanity.

So boss: do we run with this, or did she say anything last night that changes any of this?

Scoop, Bunker Research Bureau

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You’re kidding, right? What Sarah Palin showed last night was that with a little editing she could be a reasonably good contributor to Small Dead Animals. That’s about it.

RUN IT.

Balb