Subtitled: Dammmm I’m glad I got good disk brakes !!

On the way home this evening, for the third time this year no less, I was almost sent beyond the veil to dine with the ancestors - it’s simply too darned early in the riding season for me to start thinking about packing a knife and fork in the tank bag (just in case), and I’m starting to think this road rage thing is not as incomprehensible as I once thought it was, heck, I think maybe I should get me some and see if it helps.

For those new to the bunker, I’m a biker. I currently have two of them sitting in the parking garage…. I neither own, nor want to own, a car, a van, and SUV, or a pick up truck, I live in a city with a perfectly good public transit system so I do not need one - but I do enjoy riding.

I do not expect a heck of a lot out of my balance challenged four wheeled brethren, it’s generally safer to think that way, but I do expect them not to be stupid; my expectations are obviously a tad high.

The first time I was run into the on coming lane (on Montreal Road) by a woman pulling out of an intersection without looking, totally explainable I suppose, how can one be expected to actually know what is going on around them when using the rear view mirror to apply lipstick?

The second time I was nearly run into the centre barrier at 120km/h while heading east on the Queensway, a woman in a red Honda Civic, checking her make up (is there a shortage of bathrooms I don’t know about?) while driving with one knee on the wheel swerved right into my lane. There was no place to go, the space in front of me was occupied by another vehicle and I had to come on to the brakes hard enough to actually break the rear end free and leave rubber on the road - it scared the living crap out of me (and I imagine the people behind me who also had to come aboard their braking systems)… and the driver in the little red Honda Civic merrily motored away completely f*cking oblivious to the fact that she had nearly caused a multi-vehicle pile up behind her.

Tonight it was some sort of black cross over that nearly did me in. I’m was headed home (west on the Queensway) in the middle lane. The slow lane was moving along at 110km/h or so, the middle lane was doing a bit better at 120km/h, and the fast lane looked like it was doing 140km/h or so. I was in the middle lane, just enjoying the ride and saw this idiot put on her blinker to pull out and pass a car she was over taking, there was a ton of room……… until she pulled into the centre lane in front of me and immediately hit the brakes - 120km/h to 90km/h in the blink of an eye, for no reason in the world, completely oblivious to the fact that there was a motorcycle behind her standing on it’s front tire trying desperately hard not to eat her rear bumper.

Now I’m not a little guy (tell ‘em b, I really am not a little guy am I?) and I drive a bright red bike - I am not, or at least should not be, that hard to sport on the road - yet for the third time this year I’m watching all the things I wish I’d done pass before my eyes as a result of some idiot on four wheels wrapped in a steel cocoon.

– and I see this sort of sh*t each and every time I go out on the road, stupid people, who (quite obviously) should not have a license, doing stupid things, that endanger the lives of others…. so I’ve come up with a solution: Random Road Tests!!

Here’s how it works, the department of motor vehicles sends unmarked test cars out onto the city streets and the Queensway each and every day and pick vehicles at random, follow them around for half an hour or so, and call it a road test. The driver gets graded on his or her performance and if they fail their plate number is noted and they get an official notice in the mail telling them they are too #%$&#@*!! stupid to be on the road and that their license has been revoked in the name of the greater good before they kill some innocent who wasn’t quick enough to get out of their way.

This is something Dion and crew should get behind as part of their green plan because I have no doubt the roads would empty fast; emissions would be reduced and the price of fuel would fall as demand fell and ultimately caught up to supply - there are many benefits to this plan, not the least of which is cheaper gas in my tank, and a lot more empty road in front of me when I go for my evening ride.


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