Ask the Bunker III: Medieval Cosmology and Perfect Guacamole

The Bunker Research Bureau has once again been burning through bandwidth to answer the most important questions of the day. As the farmer said when requesting ongoing shipments of pressed cheese products and groups of newly born kittens – keep those curds and litters coming, folks.

In an inquiry relating to various blogging Tories, reader Zorpheus asks: “Sweet Jebus on a cane, do these people even begin to understand how completely retarded they sound?”

No.

TG from Fulton, Nebraska inquires: why ARE ideologues like medieval cosmographers?

One CAN construct an image of the universe in which the sun and stars revolve around the Earth, or that all the celestial bodies we see are embedded in a series of nine transparent, rotating spheres. It CAN be done. Of course, in order to believe any of these absurdities you have to accept some pretty weird ideas; that these celestial bodies loop, reverse their course, stop, and otherwise behave in peculiar and unaccountable ways. But if you start your observation with a conclusion – that the Earth is the centre of the visible universe – then you simply HAVE to find a way to explain what you can actually see. And faith will find a way, however absurd.

One CAN construct an image of the world in which a sinister, united force called “The Left” is conspiring to bring about the downfall of civilization. Or the collapse of the World Trade Centre was secretly engineered by a White House/military conspiracy. Or the Holocaust never happened. Or one religious leader speaks unerringly for God, while all the others are wrong. It CAN be done. Of course, in order to believe any of these absurdities you have to accept some pretty weird ideas; that Nazis, communists, gays and Islamists are all conspiring together, that a secret of almost infinite complexity can be protected against in depth and hostile media and scientific scrutiny without a crack, that thousands of documents, photos and eyewitnesses lie, that a being of infinite power, benevolence and knowledge extends privilege to one sliver of mankind. But if you start your observation with an ideological conclusion, then you simply HAVE to find a way to explain what you can actually see. And faith will find a way, however absurd.

AR from Toronto wants to know: what’s the secret of a truly superior guacamole?

Well, there are a few secrets. Don’t puree the avocadoes – mash them with a fork, and leave it a little bit lumpy. Use twice as much garlic as the recipe calls for. Garnish with fresh coriander, but also chop up one of the coriander roots and mix it in with the rest of the ingredients. As soon as you can taste the lemon, stop adding it – otherwise the guacamole will be slightly more acid than you want. AND serve with CORN tortilla chips, not wheat.

Lily asked over mead last night: I wonder just how many distinct appeals for money Shaidle has on her site right now?
Six.

Conflicted in Kazabazua says: You seem like a pretty savvy bunch. I’ve been dating two women. One of them I’m really attracted to sexually, but I’m not sure there’s more to it than just lust. The other is a long term friend I like a lot, and have had a great relationship with – there’s just no sexual spark? Which one should I marry?

Marry the fair, fat one.

This has been a public service brought to you by the Bunker Research Bureau. Please feel free to “Ask The Bunker” anything your little heart desires. Send your questions to “balbulican@hotmail.com” for the definitive response to all life’s mysteries, every week.