For Immediate Release In “The Homeland”
Not For Public Release Inside Iraq
Translation Of This Document Strictly Forbidden

The State Department has advised all personnel at the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad that progress in Iraq is now so profound that they may not leave reinforced structures as incoming insurgent rocket fire has only killed two American government workers this week.

In a memo sent Thursday to embassy staff and obtained by The Bunker News Network, the department says that as a direct result of progress on the ground employees are now only required to wear helmets, body armor and other protective gear if they must venture outside, employees were further advised that they could even sleep in blast-resistant locations instead of the trailers that most occupy.

“Due to the continuing progress in the International Zone, all personnel are advised that they now only have to remain under hard cover at all times,” it says.

“Essential outdoor movements may now be sharply limited in duration,” the memo says, adding that personal protective equipment “is now only mandatory for all outside movements.”

“We are happy to advise personnel not to sleep in their trailers,” it goes on to say, offering celebratory space inside the Saddam Hussein-era palace that is the embassy’s temporary home as well as room at an as-yet uncompleted new embassy compound and a limited supply of cots.

In a separate notice to American citizens in Iraq, the embassy said the progress would remain in place “until further notice.”

The staff memo says all personnel under the authority of the chief of mission “are only required to wear body armor, helmet and protective eye wear any time they are outside of building structures in the International Zone. In a surprise announcement, chief of mission personnel in the International Zone have been advised that recent progress also now allows them to remain inside of hardened structures at all times.”

Flanked by Mitt Romney and Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. in a Utah airport hangar GOP presidential hopeful John McCain hailed this progress as “a significant milestone” in Iraq, and vowed to carry The Decider to the White House for a third term regardless of what the American people may decide in November.

(Yeah, I know, that’s not what the original said, but those traitorous AP ba$tards painted a picture so ugly that even Donals Rumsfeld’s mum couldn’t love it…. so I fixed it up for American consumption.)

Related: Iraq implodes as Shia fights Shia

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