I generally try not to reveal too many of the Secrets of the Universe that we at the Bunker aren’t supposed to know. But I’m getting tired of reading misguided “explanations” and “theories” about the simple phenomenon of gravity.

Pay attention.

Gravity is simply the Newtonian inertia that matter is subject to as the universe expands along a fourth spatial axis imperceptible to us three-dimensional beings.

I’ll publish that with all the appropriate equations and stuff someday, but that’s the gist of it. Any questions?