You know the feeling, I’m sure!
Yes I do. I swore I would never buy lottery tickets. Lately, it seems the only hope for freedom from my similar circumstance and I have been buying them almost weekly.
It's a sad state of affairs when Canadian kids are treated like this by the government - read about it here then contact your MP
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When reading here you reminded of the words of Buddha: Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.
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Correct me if I am wrong but your prayer is a version of the prayer that Alcoholics Anonymous uses for their “members”.
Accordingly, you need to go through 10 (or is twelve) steps to get better and take full advantage of this prayer.
Judging from the lottery comment, you have not yet moved past denial, which I believe is step one. You have a long way to go to make peace with yourself.
Please know that SL and I are here for you as is Lily and Max. I believe step two is reaching out and admitting the hopelessness of your predicament.