Equipped with the lexicon of hockey platitudes generously provided by yourselves, I ventured last night down to Elgin St. and took in The Game in the company of friends. And I must say, I think I was reasonably convincing, relying on a combination of mock-rapt attention to the screen, cheering and booing a quarter second after everyone else did, and periodically deploying predigested pellets of hockey wisdom, (e.g., a Zen-like “It’s Anybody’s Game”.) All in all, I think in all modesty I gave a pretty good impression of someone who (a) understood what was going on, and (b) gave a shit.
What was really interesting, however, was the discussion during the breaks, where I learned from the folks in the bar that this was all about much more than hockey. This series is, it seems, an apocalyptic showdown between Canada and the United States, a symbolic struggle fraught with Manichean overtones, a gladiatorial contest in which the favour of the hockey gods provides us with a sign of heaven’s will. With each successive beer, paradoxically, the cosmic importance of the battle got clearer, while the specifics of the issues actually being adjudicated by the gods through this medium got fuzzier.
So again, I turn to you, my hockey mentors, for help. If the Ottawa Senators (and by extension, Canada) win the Stanley Cup, is this a sign that:
a) The Canadian Health Care system is superior;
b) We were right not to send troops to Iraq;
c) We shouldn’t elect judges;
d) The hockey gods want us to meet our Kyoto targets
e) All of the above
f) Other: _______________________________________
Looking forward to your clarification. Please get back to me before the next game.
f) Other: Lord Stanley will rise from the grave, and walk amongst us, bringing salvation to the believers (Ottawa fans) and healing the sick (Toronto fans). The holy host of angels will sing (Hockey night in Canada theme) and all across the land, there will be rejoicing.