Remember it’s all in good fun. And don’t forget to vote for the post that best captures the essence of the rancid zeitgeist that is Contemporary Canadian Conservatism.

Aperitif: Communion Wine

“Angel Messenger” grimly warns the unwary new arrival that

“If you are looking for a namby-pamby, bereft-of-content, water-down-the-truth, confirm-your-already-made-up-mind blog on Catholic teaching you’ve come to the wrong place.”

Well, all RIGHTY then! And as a demonstration of its un-namby-pamby not-bereft-of-content-ness, Angel Messenger then tackles the tough theological questions of the day by inviting you to vote for your favourite picture of Jesus.

Don’t choose #2, though…as AM notes tersely, it looks “too Arab”. Unlike “Angel Messenger’s” preferred images of Jesus, who looks kinda like a badly constipated white hippie.

Appetizer: Cul De Cochon Sauvage

Yet another Joycean synthesis of sophisticated analysis and fecal imagery from your favorite meds-deprived Blue Tory, our own beloved Canadian Sentinel

Poopheaded moonbat fool. Booger lips. Pee-pee head. Big poopy bum. Crapnosed fectum. Leftist. Liberal. You can smell my bum.

“Big Poopy Bum”. Sigh. You could labour for years and never approach that for its succinct profundity.

BTW, All fans of CS’s unique poots of performance art should note that he has been nominated under the category of Best Conservative Blog at the Canadian Blog Awards. In recognition of his utterly unique entertainment value (in addition, of course, to his journalistic and writing skills), I really think he deserves our support - seriously, is there anyone out there who better exemplifies the New Conservatism?

Main course: Vodka, Borscht and Caviar

There are those who accuse the Right of an almost psychotic obsession with a political system that has, for all intents and purposes, ceased to exit on the planet. Thank God (as long as She Doesn’t Look Too Arab) for the eternal vigilance of Blogging Tories like Officially Screwed, who finds Communism At Work In the Classroom, hiding in a box of pencils.

Yesterday at the dinner table, my wife was talking to Cookie about pencils. Cookie, my 10 year old daughter, commented that they don’t have their own pencils at school.

This made me perk my ears up a bit to listen closer.

She then proceeded to explain that in her class they have a box where they all put their pencils at the beginning of the year and when you need a pencil, you can just go up and get one from the box.

I distinctly remember pencils being on the school supply list which we, as parents, were asked to supply our children with at the beginning of the year. Now I am all for the school offering up a solution which has every student put ONE pencil into a community box which they can “borrow” from for a day when they forget their own. But for the whole class to lump ALL of their pencils into one community pile which the children draw from is not sharing. It’s communism!

Damn Straight. First it’s Markers, then it’s MARX, I say!

Dessert: White Chocolate

Of all the “Hatred In The Name Of Christ” sites out there, Relapsed Catholic is the most canny. Its author (who probably doesn’t look the least bit Arab) seldom posts an actual opinion or quotable statement: she tends instead to rely on poison from others, like the vile ex insurance salesman who opines that “no one likes Arabs as customers …they don’t give a shit, because they have a notion of cultural superiority that makes so-called American ‘jingoism’ look like the weak, watered-down substance it is…these people are always spoiling for a fight”…and similar in-depth sociological wisdom, the kind you’d expect to hear around a particularly isolated Ozark cracker-barrel. Every once in a while, however, a glimmer of the loving Christian spirit that underlies her blog creeps through. As was the case, for example, when she took a speech by Desmond Tutu lamenting the damage done to black South Africans under Apartheid (note the correct spelling, Kate), carefully selected a couple of choice sentences out of context, and entitled her post:

Was Life Better Under Aparthied? [sic]

You realy have to read the Tutu story to appreciate just how dishonest a headline that was, with its vomitous implication that Bishop Tutu is somehow pining for the good old days when blacks in South Africa knew their place.

The Wafer Thin Mint

Kerplonka posits:

There appear to be a lot of people who don’t take too kindly with the idea that the Tories should create an easy-to-access database of retarded comments/positions from the left. That would be awfully inconvenient, wouldn’t it?

Well, Plonky, my man, ConUcopia has been compiling “an easy-to-access database of retarded comments/positions” from the right for twelve editions now. And it doesn’t seem to have stopped the flow.

And with that we conclude the Conucopia Dirty Dozen. I’d like to thank our staff, Lily, Max, Stageleft, Treehugger, the Albanian Peoples’ Pehlivan Trotskyite midget oil wrestlers and research team, my Dad, and of course the loyal readership for whom we undertake these highly dangerous expeditions up the Congo of the Soul.

And remember - The Bunker Sez…

Blue Wisdom is a lot like Blue Cheese: stinky, overpriced, and the product of bacterial action.

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE FOR “CON OF THE WEEK!”