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Welcome to the XI edition of the ConUcopia, resurrecting the richest, ripest samples of Blue Wisdom we could find. The title will evoke warm memories of Nigel Tufnel, one of the most underappreciated poets of our (or any) era. I have a feeling that if Nigel were blogging today, he’d be well over on the Blue side. This one’s for you, Nige.

Aperitif (A Nice, Calming Cup of Tea)
In a reasonably linear thread at Rempelia Prime about polygamy, Politic contributor George Freeman takes a sudden bizarre lunge into right field, apparently apropos of nothing at all.

Canadians today are far too comfortable with “cults” and blind to the threat they pose to civil society, whether they be polygamists, gay marriage advocates, or even, apart from marriage, Hutterites. The overweening judicial interpretation of the Charter is the central problem. There is a reasonably justified interest in keeping polygamists out of the mainstream, protecting traditonal marriage from stupid interlopers, and preventing the unfettered growth of “colonies” that will not swear oaths or fight in our wars, just bent on buying as much land as possible and controlling our food production.

Hutterites controlling our food production? Canadian Sentinel, is that you?

Appetizer (Marinated Tongue)

I have to confess that this priceless sliver of casual nasty is not from a Blue Blogger, per se…but it was linked with a warm vote of approval from Right Girl’s site (from whom, more anon). And it’s so wonderfully illustrative I couldn’t resist it.

Three people argue in animated Arabic a few seats behind me. Arabic is a profoundly hideous language. Two people muttering quietly in Arabic sounds like a fistfight in a shit-kicker bar. Three people having a quiet conversation sounds like the Battle of Agincourt, the bad part after the longbows but before the serious dismemberment, the part where the screaming reached its perfect zenith.

The argument behind me sounds like the Second World War, if it had been fought by people with life-threatening respiratory infections….Arabic is just ugly. It starts like a bad day and ends in a cough and I find it hard to believe that any beautiful or true sentiment could ever be spoken in it.


Well, don’t worry, buddy: just talk REAL LOUD to ‘em, and they’ll understand. By an interesting coincidence, this thoughtful and elegant meditation on the Arabic language was written shortly after the sad death of Naguib Mahfouz winner of the 1988 Nobel Prize in Literature, and a writer of astonishing power and beauty. Oh, sorry, let me translate for our friends: for a fuckin’ raghead, he wrote purty good.

Main Course (Pickled Beef)

Fresh from her bid for the 2006 “Poster Girl For Right Wing Compassion” championship, “Girl On the Right” takes a break from cataloguing her underwear purchases and drinking habits to muse on a CBC documentary about 9/11 investigating the identity of one victim who fell from the Twin Towers.

A thousand thoughts are going through my head right now. Some of them are angry thoughts about the CBC capitalizing on the misery and fear of September 11th. Some of my thoughts are of how we should be forced to remember this man, and the others like him, so that we’ll stop arguing with one another and remember who our real enemies are. Perhaps we should be forced to see this image every day, three times a day, until we are like the rage monkeys from 28 Days.

Note the nimbleness of the Blue Psyche in action: she can manage to be outraged at the CBC (an article of faith, of course) for doing precisely what she then says should be done. And her final sentence should be bronzed as the definitive Mission Statement for a certain sub-stratum of Blue Blogger.

Dessert (Toothpicks)

Most Blue Bloggers seemed appropriately embarassed by Harper and Emerson’s truculent efforts to portray the softwood lumber “deal” as anything other than a rape (”Hey, we’re only giving them billion dollars of our own money to fight us with…”). Not so the fearless Shlemazl, who, in a post singing the praises of the Harper Regime, reserves her very highest praise for this magnificent achievement.

Trade. Performance: Outstanding.

The lumber dispute has been poisoning the trade relations with the USA. Although a small fraction of the overall trade, it hit the nerve on both sides of the border. Canada argued that the US broke NAFTA by imposing duties on the Canadian lumber. The US argued that Canada was subsidizing the lumber unfairly because provinces were setting up prices for the lumber. It was lawyer’s paradise for years, which started to affect the rest of economic ties. Some idiots in Canada even started boycotting McDonald’s, punishing compnany’s poor employees in Canada.

The Harper Government has sorted it out; something that Liberals could not do for years!

Exactly. Once you’ve decided that law, fairness, and economic sense are no longer essential, it’s amazing how quickly you can solve these little contretemps!

Wafer Thin Mint

This week’s mint comes from Canadian Sentinel (and what’s a Conucopia without him?). This is an urgent instruction to the millions who read CS to vote for picture called “An Officer and My Daddy” in a “News Photo of the Week” poll.

Gayle at My Republican Blog has issued an urgent request for help. All you have to do is vote. Vote for “An Officer and My Daddy”. Don’t let the “Palestinian” flag/anti-Israel demonstration picture win. Don’t let the moonbats and the Islamofascists win. Go and vote for “An Officer and My Daddy” at:…. The “Palestinian” flag one is winning by a lot, suspected to be the doings of “special interest groups” in their attempt to win some kind of symbolic “victory”. You can imagine who these groups might be. If you can, post this message on your blog or in the comments at other blogs. Maybe we can beat the Dhimmis and the IslamoNazis.

I think it’s the imagery that makes this one: thousands of Islamofascinazidhimmis hunched over their computers in dimly lit ranks, grimly muttering “Allah Akbar” as they punch in their votes, while across the sea CS and his Kourageous Kanuck Keyoboarders vote desperately against the turbaned tide for “An Officer And My Daddy”… sort of a Terry Gilliam meets Hieronymous Bosch kinda thing…

Don’t miss the comments, wherein the aforementioned “Gayle” explains the aesthetic superiority of “An Offer And My Daddy”.

And so, Constant Reader, we come once again to the end of our time together . But fear not. As long as one Blue Blogger whines and whimpers in the night…Conucopia will be there.

And remember - The Bunker Sez…

Blue Wisdom is a lot like Blue Cheese: stinky, overpriced, and the product of bacterial action.

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE FOR “CON OF THE WEEK!”

PS: Don, thanks for the nomination, but next time include a link…I couldn’t find the post!


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