| Welcome to the XI edition of the ConUcopia, resurrecting the richest, ripest samples of Blue Wisdom we could find. The title will evoke warm memories of Nigel Tufnel, one of the most underappreciated poets of our (or any) era. I have a feeling that if Nigel were blogging today, he’d be well over on the Blue side. This one’s for you, Nige.
Aperitif (A Nice, Calming Cup of Tea)
In a reasonably linear thread at Rempelia Prime about polygamy, Politic contributor George Freeman takes a sudden bizarre lunge into right field, apparently apropos of nothing at all.
Canadians today are far too comfortable with “cults” and blind to the threat they pose to civil society, whether they be polygamists, gay marriage advocates, or even, apart from marriage, Hutterites. The overweening judicial interpretation of the Charter is the central problem. There is a reasonably justified interest in keeping polygamists out of the mainstream, protecting traditonal marriage from stupid interlopers, and preventing the unfettered growth of “colonies” that will not swear oaths or fight in our wars, just bent on buying as much land as possible and controlling our food production.
Hutterites controlling our food production? Canadian Sentinel, is that you?
Appetizer (Marinated Tongue)
I have to confess that this priceless sliver of casual nasty is not from a Blue Blogger, per se…but it was linked with a warm vote of approval from Right Girl’s site (from whom, more anon). And it’s so wonderfully illustrative I couldn’t resist it.
Three people argue in animated Arabic a few seats behind me. Arabic is a profoundly hideous language. Two people muttering quietly in Arabic sounds like a fistfight in a shit-kicker bar. Three people having a quiet conversation sounds like the Battle of Agincourt, the bad part after the longbows but before the serious dismemberment, the part where the screaming reached its perfect zenith.
The argument behind me sounds like the Second World War, if it had been fought by people with life-threatening respiratory infections….Arabic is just ugly. It starts like a bad day and ends in a cough and I find it hard to believe that any beautiful or true sentiment could ever be spoken in it.
Well, don’t worry, buddy: just talk REAL LOUD to ‘em, and they’ll understand. By an interesting coincidence, this thoughtful and elegant meditation on the Arabic language was written shortly after the sad death of Naguib Mahfouz winner of the 1988 Nobel Prize in Literature, and a writer of astonishing power and beauty. Oh, sorry, let me translate for our friends: for a fuckin’ raghead, he wrote purty good.
Main Course (Pickled Beef)
Fresh from her bid for the 2006 “Poster Girl For Right Wing Compassion” championship, “Girl On the Right” takes a break from cataloguing her underwear purchases and drinking habits to muse on a CBC documentary about 9/11 investigating the identity of one victim who fell from the Twin Towers.
A thousand thoughts are going through my head right now. Some of them are angry thoughts about the CBC capitalizing on the misery and fear of September 11th. Some of my thoughts are of how we should be forced to remember this man, and the others like him, so that we’ll stop arguing with one another and remember who our real enemies are. Perhaps we should be forced to see this image every day, three times a day, until we are like the rage monkeys from 28 Days.
Note the nimbleness of the Blue Psyche in action: she can manage to be outraged at the CBC (an article of faith, of course) for doing precisely what she then says should be done. And her final sentence should be bronzed as the definitive Mission Statement for a certain sub-stratum of Blue Blogger.
Dessert (Toothpicks)
Most Blue Bloggers seemed appropriately embarassed by Harper and Emerson’s truculent efforts to portray the softwood lumber “deal” as anything other than a rape (”Hey, we’re only giving them billion dollars of our own money to fight us with…”). Not so the fearless Shlemazl, who, in a post singing the praises of the Harper Regime, reserves her very highest praise for this magnificent achievement.
Trade. Performance: Outstanding.
The lumber dispute has been poisoning the trade relations with the USA. Although a small fraction of the overall trade, it hit the nerve on both sides of the border. Canada argued that the US broke NAFTA by imposing duties on the Canadian lumber. The US argued that Canada was subsidizing the lumber unfairly because provinces were setting up prices for the lumber. It was lawyer’s paradise for years, which started to affect the rest of economic ties. Some idiots in Canada even started boycotting McDonald’s, punishing compnany’s poor employees in Canada.
The Harper Government has sorted it out; something that Liberals could not do for years!
Exactly. Once you’ve decided that law, fairness, and economic sense are no longer essential, it’s amazing how quickly you can solve these little contretemps!
Wafer Thin Mint
This week’s mint comes from Canadian Sentinel (and what’s a Conucopia without him?). This is an urgent instruction to the millions who read CS to vote for picture called “An Officer and My Daddy” in a “News Photo of the Week” poll.
Gayle at My Republican Blog has issued an urgent request for help. All you have to do is vote. Vote for “An Officer and My Daddy”. Don’t let the “Palestinian” flag/anti-Israel demonstration picture win. Don’t let the moonbats and the Islamofascists win. Go and vote for “An Officer and My Daddy” at:…. The “Palestinian” flag one is winning by a lot, suspected to be the doings of “special interest groups” in their attempt to win some kind of symbolic “victory”. You can imagine who these groups might be. If you can, post this message on your blog or in the comments at other blogs. Maybe we can beat the Dhimmis and the IslamoNazis.
I think it’s the imagery that makes this one: thousands of Islamofascinazidhimmis hunched over their computers in dimly lit ranks, grimly muttering “Allah Akbar” as they punch in their votes, while across the sea CS and his Kourageous Kanuck Keyoboarders vote desperately against the turbaned tide for “An Officer And My Daddy”… sort of a Terry Gilliam meets Hieronymous Bosch kinda thing…
Don’t miss the comments, wherein the aforementioned “Gayle” explains the aesthetic superiority of “An Offer And My Daddy”.
And so, Constant Reader, we come once again to the end of our time together . But fear not. As long as one Blue Blogger whines and whimpers in the night…Conucopia will be there.
And remember – The Bunker Sez…
Blue Wisdom is a lot like Blue Cheese: stinky, overpriced, and the product of bacterial action.
DON’T FORGET TO VOTE FOR “CON OF THE WEEK!â€
PS: Don, thanks for the nomination, but next time include a link…I couldn’t find the post! |
I had a tough choice on this one – so many to choose from. I had to go with the Appetizer though. I wonder what Inuktitut would sound like to whoever posted this gem? Or Hebrew for that matter?
Oh god, I have to go for the Hutterites. Man. That’s bloody unhinged. Anabaptists: England is still comin’ for you. Only now in the form of a craaazy Canuck.
I vote for dessert. Points to note:
1. “Not so the fearless Shlemazl, who, in a post singing the praises of the Harper Regime, reserves her very highest praise for this magnificent achievement.”
- It’s not Harper “regime” but “the Government”.
- I am a “he”. Can’t you see it from my side-bar icon? That thing between my legs isn’t my tail.
2. “Exactly. Once you’ve decided that law, fairness, and economic sense are no longer essential, it’s amazing how quickly you can solve these little contretemps!”
- Law hasn’t run it’s course and the legal battle could go on forever.
2. In the mean time there is a slump in the house market in the US and the need for lumber is decreasing rapidly. It was vital for the agreement to be sorted out as far as the lumber companies were concerned because they needed to fix their market share now. That is why the vast majority of them supported it. Of cause the rest of Canada also benefits economically from better relations with our main trading partner.
3. I guess the fairest thing would be for provinces not to regulate prices and for the US to stop the threat of duties. Don’t think our Government has the power to enforce provinces to do this, but it’s part of the agreement that if provinces were to stop seting prices, there would be no duties.
4. You forgot to mention that 5 billion of duties were in the US. 80% of the total will now be transferred to Canada.
Thanks for your interest.
Welcome Shlemazl. Hey, you never visit, you never call…why such stranger?
The word “regime”, according to the Concise Oxford, means, among other definitions, “A specific government”. That’s all right, don’t apologize.
Since your sidebar icon also presents you as jet black, triangle eyed, and afflicted with a peculiar and very painful looking curvature of the hips and femurs, I was assuming a certain level of stylization. Please accept my apologies, and my best wishes for locating a neck donor at some point in the near future.
Quite. So…perhaps it’s a bit premature to be hailing this debacle as an “outstanding” achievement?
No, no. Only one #2 to a customer.
I really like the way you think.
Tell you what. Give me your bank account and PIN numbers. I’ll clean out your account. Then, after a few years of wrangling, I’ll give you back 80% of it. And I’ll expect you to describe my action as “outstanding”.
1. I know how dictionaries define “regime”. However I wasn’t born yesterday and let us be honest: we both know exactly why you used the word “regime”.
2. “Quite. So…perhaps it’s a bit premature to be hailing this debacle as an “outstanding†achievement?” It isn’t premature. The legal battle could have gone on for ages had it not been for the agreement. Are you a lawyer by any chance? Only lawyers love and benefit from infinite legal battles.
3. “Tell you what. Give me your bank account and PIN numbers. I’ll clean out your account. Then, after a few years of wrangling, I’ll give you back 80% of it. And I’ll expect you to describe my action as “outstanding”.
In fact there is no need to provide you with the bank account info. Three years ago I lost $10 in an argument. Please let me have $8 back. Rest assured, I will describe your action (and mine for negotiating the deal) as “outstanding”.
Err…because both its denotation and its connotation were precisely what I was aiming for?
Sorry, S…you may accept it as outstanding : I think that may say more about your standards for political achievement than it does for the Harper regime’s sellout.
Now you’ve done it. Once shlemazl has you in his sights, he never goes away (and of course, is never wrong)… I’ll arrogantly add that I never made the mistake of misjudging shlemazl’s gender, since the instant he showed up, like any stray, I spun him around and had a good look at the back end. Undescended, they were, but still distinguishable.
I’m voted for the Aperitif. The others were just too irritating….well, CS’s was also harmlessly loony, but he’s sooo last month ago.
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Whooee! I’m votin’ fer that there unappetizin’ appetizer. I got no patience fer bigots like that. Yeow! I’m dang near ready t’ offer up a JimBobby-flavoured knuckle samwitch t’ the feller offerin’ up that disgustin’ appetizer. I get riled when folks can’t tolerate sumbuddy talkin’ in a lang which they don’t unnerstand. The way this here numbnuts talks ’bout what he can’t unnerstand is jest plain sickenin’ – in any language.
JB
Ah, Ti-Guy.
I see your political discourse has aquired a new level of depth. Much improved from “you are a stormtrooper, “your mother is a whore”, “I slept with your mother” and “what is your level of education?”.
I love looooneys and you are my favourite one.
P.S. Why do my testicles concern you so much?
“P.S. Why do my testicles concern you so much?”
I hate to step in, but may I venture…because you suggested that we should draw anatomical clues to your gender from your website illustration, which is, as far as I can tell, 100% testicle-free?
You need new glasses. My testicles are clearly visible; I am almost touching one with my left hand.
Oh; I thought I should return the complement. My latest post is about you.
“My testicles are clearly visible; I am almost touching one with my left hand.”
Yes, I’m sure you are, and thanks for sharing. But I’m talking about that drawing on your website, not the way you amuse yourself while posting to Stageleft.
That’s not a bad joke you made there
It’s been a while since I have come across a leftwinger with a little sense of humour.
Thanks for all the amusement your site gave me.
Much improved from “you are a stormtrooper, “your mother is a whoreâ€, “I slept with your mother†and “what is your level of education?”
Who said this in the what-now? I called your mother a belle de joie. Translations are tricky, aren’t they? I didn’t say any of those other things, and frankly, I’m shocked…shocked!…that I’m being accused of such incivility.
It’s there for everyone to see: http://myblahg.com/?p=1173
Snitch.
Of course I have to weigh in on the Toothpicks (Dessert) with Pickled Beef close behind.
Emerson and Harper have, and will be shown to have, sold Canada down the river on a raft of cheap, beetley softwood. Companies will tank (not the big ones like Canfor, which will hardly register a dent), the $450 million “signing bonus” to Bush will not be discussed until years later, and the forestry industry as it applies to the actual “boots on the ground” will suffer much more than in the past. The small companies who still operate(d)under NAFTA and WTO will be toasted on the bonfire of the vanities that is Harper and Emerson and their Softwood Deal. Also, (which is not making the news as much as it should) is the downturn in US housing starts. This will effect the 2-year Softwood Deal before the ink is even dry. Canada will be shipping more moolah south, or taking it in the kidneys for some while. Outstanding!
As for Pickled Beef; may PB never have to make a choice like the falling people did. Things happen to people who get out and about, learn new things, think new thoughts. What is truly disturbing about Pickled Beef is how quickly the concern for the victim(s) changed as soon as there was an intimation that the victim took some ownership of his or her own death. Instead of seeing some defiance against the “terrorists” winning, PB chose instead to see cowardice. Instead of seeing people defying unjust death, or people exercising their god-given free will unto the death, Pickled Beef chose shame, fear, shunning and IMO denigrated the falling people.
It would be inappropriate of me to comment on the voting in progress, of course. But I will admit to some surprise that Right Girl’s astonishing 180 (We should have our face rubbed in this image every day: damn that CBC for rubbing this image in our face) isn’t doing better in the poll.
“It’s been a while since I have come across a leftwinger with a little sense of humour.”
I think we’re pretty darned funny. I regularly crack me up. Stick around!
>(â€Hey, we’re only giving them billion dollars of our own money to fight us with…â€).
Actually, it’s a billion dollars of US consumers’ money, which we don’t know would have been charged in an entirely free market. Since the whole point of the exercise was to push up Canadian lumber prices (from a US point of view) to the same levels as domestic US lumber prices, we can safely assume Canadian lumber would have been sold at lower prices and that the “billion dollars” might never have otherwise existed.
Yes, we’re familiar with the spin. Bottom line: a billion dollars gone.
The Appetizer was just delice to resist this week ~burp~ I almost feel like hopping in the pichup truck and attending a ni**er linchin after going to the titty bar. After which I will go home to my faithful wife and leave for church in the morning, Praise Jebus
balbulican: Just a note of thanks for the outstanding entertainment you’ve been providing on Canadian Sentinel. Since I’ve been banned for life, I’m unable to join the party. The dumb squat never ceases to amaze me. It’s one thing to be stuck on stupid, but to enthusiastically embrace your ignorance on a daily basis is mind boggling.
Please keep the show runnung. There may be a book in it for you.
Thanks, Don. I like to feel that it’s not just me in there…that I’m carrying the torch for you and Pete and the (doubtless) thousands of others cast into the outer darkness. By Grabthar’s Hammer, you SHALL be avenged.
I had to go for ‘wafer thin mint’ because the idea of taking an online “photo of the week” poll seriously just made me laugh. Close behind were the overwrought hypocrisy of the main course, and the stylishly offensive racism of the appetizer.
You’re starting to really get him, he doesn’t know whether to shit or fart nails. I love it when he gets shrill.
But… they are all so hideously wretched this week…
I. Just. Can’t. Decide.
No fair.
Well, decide quick, kiddo…polls close at midnight tonight.
balb: CS thinks you’re going to submit to Islam. Say it ain’t so!!
Ooooh, it’s fraught with tension over there today, I can tell you. I may be joining you shortly in the outer darkness.
I think he lives in Ottawa. We will HAVE to get him out to our next Leftodhimmi Blogger’s Booze-up and Black Mass.
Me, I’m not so sure.
I think that if he were alive and blogging today Mr. T. just as likely might be sniffin’ the blue.
.
I pity da fool who’d mess with Mr.T’s blog.
“IslamoNazis”
That’s a new one for me. I gotta vote for it for exposing me to a new word.
That’s SO five minutes ago. The current appelation of choice is “Islamofascinazidhimmis.”
Don, I think this wonderful farce at Canadian Sentinel may be approaching its hilarious conclusion. Read the original post here (which includes stern instructions to “leftists” who disagree with him, then read the comments thread , in which my mini-course in “How To Spot The Loony Mock-Journalist” receives less that cordial reception.
It’s a vintage CS thread: according to un-named sources, an allegedly rising number of non-Mexican illegal immigrants (no figures given) are carrying a chemical that can be used as a treatment for radiation poisoning (no interview or documentary evidence or links provided). This clearly illustrates that some terrorist is going to detonate a nuke, and for some reason all the illegal immigrants know about it and are presumably flocking towards the site, with anti rad medicatons. Makes perfect sense.
I was cast out for commenting on an NEIN article that featured “two men of middle eastern appearance,” “anout two weeks ago,” were near a water treatment plant “somewhere in N.Y. state. C.S. does not like it when he’s told not to believe in fairy tales. Your lecture on critical thinking is falling on aggressively deaf ears.
But I am loving the entertainment.
Don, Balb,
If you want to have a real thigh slapper, check this comment by CS at Kate’s site admonishing his fellow conservatives and the media for jumping to conclusions on the Dawson College incident in Montreal.
He seems to be almost immitating someone. What do they about immitation and flatery?
Here’s the link. Sorry, I am HTML challenged:
http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/archives/004603.html#c102163
I have to say Balb, that I am getting equal enjoyment out of what is going on at CS’s right now. Keep at ‘em I say.
I recently wrote an article on how Harper’s ideology does not allow him to see that Vancouver’s safe injection sites are working, despite research in peer-reviewed papers showing that the situation is improving as a result of the site. I guess we call them ideological blinders. Not being able to see the facts because your ideology won’t allow you. I wonder if it’s a built in safeguard – reject all material that counters your viewpoint/ideology and save yourself the supposed humiliation of being wrong. You have been very straight forward with CS and challenged him on the hypocricy of his beliefs, but his ideology depends on that hypocricy. He can’t carefully examine sources from NEIN because then who would validate his worldview? Strict ideologues on both sides of the political fence are common, I just wonder if CS will ever come around to admitting the truth about his blog. I would be surprised, that’s for sure.
I see you’re on the brink, balb. Don’t worry Peter and I will make room on the castaway boat for you.
Thanks. Can I sit beside Ginger? (Maryanne’s a bitch.)