Welcome to the Double Digit edition of the ConUcopia. For this, our first decade, we spared no expense in dredging the sewers and combing the dumpsters to bring you the richest, ripest samples of Blue Wisdom we could find, and are delighted to present a splendidly odoriferous assortment of old friends and new contributors, unwittingly assembled here to celebrate our tenth birthday.
Onward and Downward!
Aperitif (Foetal Baby Duck)
Our close personal friend SUZANNE at Big Blue Perm has always had a knack for the catchy post title. Until this week, my favorite was “THE UNBORN ARE NOT TAPEWORMS!” . She has, however, absolutely surpassed herself with the following lyrical masterpiece:
“I Did Not Know That: Fetuses Urinate And (Can) Poop!”
Golly. Neither did I. Know about the pooping, I mean. How ’bout that. (Long Pause) Well, errr…thanks for that, SUE. Any questions, anyone? No? All righty, then. Moving right along…
Appetizer (Chicken)
I know, I know, I’m indulging myself again, and I feel just awful. But dammit, when a serious analyst of the current scene like Canadian Sentinel presents a terrifying prediction of impending apocalypse, with lots of links to “specific expert information and speculation” …well, Attention must be Paid, that’s all.
IF some Iran-watchers in the US are to be believed, we could be 24 hours away from the day of judgment. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran’s President, has promised to deliver tomorrow his response to international demands that Iran stop enriching uranium for nuclear use.
By the Islamic calendar, Tuesday is also a holy date: the night when Mohammed rose to heaven from the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem on a “buraq”, a fabulous winged beast with the body of a horse and the face of a woman, and reappeared in Mecca. Will Ahmadinejad seize the moment to unveil the possession of some new fissile material or weapons system - perhaps a nuclear-tipped one?
While we might prefer to believe Ahmadinejad’s just some uppity little sheet head jumping up and down and hollering aggressively at folks much bigger and more powerful than he, kind of like Yosemite Sam, Donald Duck, Daffy Duck or Scooby Doo’s aggressive little puppy counterpart Scrappy Doo, the fact of the matter is that he’s far too dangerous and serious about his intentions to be dismissed. Just as it was a grave error for most folks to dismiss Hitler as harmless enough to not be cause for too much worry, so is it a grave error to summarily, cavalierly wave away Ahmadinejad’s apocalyptic promises based on his ancient, evil ideology, to which he clearly adheres like Crazy Glue.
That being said, we must now prepare and brace ourselves for the worst. Today, not tomorrow.
I hope Ahmadinejad’s just a little shit with a big, foul mouth, but I fear he’s much, much more. We have, after all, witnessed some of the worst monstrosities before, and it’s to be expected that history is about to repeat itself sooner or later.The question is: will that time come tomorrow, August 22, 2006?
(Okay, we won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Nothing happened.)
Main Course:
There’s something about AIDS that brings out the very best in the Blue Bloggers, don’t you find? Check out the following from Upper Canada Catholic, and try to decide which impresses you most: the strong grasp of science displayed, the rigorous application of logic, or the deep compassion, truly exemplifying the spirit of Christ.
The cold, hard truth about AIDS is that every single case – EVERY SINGLE CASE – can be traced back to a moral choice to engage in disordered sexual conduct. Every baby who got AIDS from its mother, every person who received infected blood in a transfusion, all of them can trace the origin of their infections back to a very human choice to engage in conduct judged for thousands of years to be harmful to the human race.
(Wow. And here I thought it was a simian retrovirus transmitted by an indeterminate mechanism to a human population - and there it was, the Wrath ‘O God all along.)
Actually, you know, in the face of such lethal, hateful ignorance, I can’t really joke.)
Dessert (Candy Kisses)
Thank God SOMEONE out there in Conservative Country has the moral strength to recognize what a lecherous slut that Stephen Harper really is, and what a vile, adulterous trollop he consorts with under the guise of a Christian “marriage”. God bless you, ” Every Good and Perfect Gift Comes from Above“, for warning us of the moral abyss whose brink we right thinking people have been treading.
How richly ironic that the very leader of the party which professes to have such a strong commitment to traditional Christian marriage is legally married to someone who was already married. According to orthodox Christian teachings remarriage constitutes adultery. A remarriage is not a model to the world of a Covenant marriage that reflects the teachings of the Harper’s own Ottawa church….
Mr. Harper may be a better alternative than the NDP or the Liberals. He may be the best Prime Minister in world history but he can honestly and credibly profess to be an advocate for traditional marriage. He doesn’t have one himself. He no more represents covenant marriage to the world than two gay men do.
(Well, Steve, you heard the lady. Since you’re an Abomination in the eyes of the Lord anyway, might as well give in to those impulses and order those Judy Garland CDs. You KNOW you want to…)
The Wafer Thin Mint
Small Dead Animals rounds off an exceptional week with the following calm, reasoned piece of analysis.
The Canadian Auto Workers union has declared political independence after delegates to the union’s constitutional convention voted to formally sever ties with the New Democratic Party. Well, that frees them up to join Hezbollah!
(It’s not often that you can cram a straw man, a non-sequitur and a jaw-dropping, knee-jerk hyperbole into a single sentence. But that’s what makes Kate the Kurst such a…special gal. We wuv you, Katie.)
And with that we conclude our Decade of Conucopia. I’d like to thank our staff, Lily, Max, Stageleft, Treehugger, the Albanian Peoples’ Pehlivan Trotskyite midget oil wrestlers and research team, my Dad, and of course, youze, Constant Readers. Who knew we’d come so far? Who could have dreamed it?
And remember - The Bunker Sez…
Blue Wisdom is a lot like Blue Cheese: stinky, overpriced, and the product of bacterial action.
DON’T FORGET TO VOTE FOR “CON OF THE WEEK!â€
I don’t get the impression that you understand the point I am making.
I am NOT condemining Mr. Harper for anything other than his hypocrisy.